i think i just experienced a deja vu moment. friend's betrayal.
ok, maybe not thatttt serious. but it's a subset of betrayal types.

the thing i hate most is having a change at critical timings.
and things that have been confirmed, that have been planned, all have to crumble.
it's not easy in this last semester with so many things to handle.
so this change is going to be a whammy to me.

if i screw this up, it's all your fault.

the path of learning to let go is definitely not easy. because every single item/place/song/show brings back memories!

marcus has gone back home to start nursery. it's been 3.5 years! i remember he was still a little 7 week infant when he first came. and he cried alot alot alot! he always wanted to be carried and would cry whenever he was put down. my mum and i had to take turns to carry him all day, and sleeping time would be bad because he woke up every few hours.

i've seen him learn to stand, to walk, to run, to swim and to talk. i've seen him grow from a diaper baby to underwear boy. i've seen him at his most innocent and his naughtiest. and now, i won't get to see him staring into my face with that guilty look of playing with my handphone while i'm sleeping in the morning. i won't get to hear him bombard me with the million 'why why why' which are neverending. i won't get to tickle him until he laughs and snorts while we play. i won't get to see his daily dance of oppa gangnam style and wong fei hong. and i won't get to see his smiling face as he greets me when i return home from school.

that boy, who has made me furious and roar with laughter, is now a big boy. start of his long academic path. i hope that amidst the stress of singapore's education system, he will still grow up happy and cheeky.

从一开始就知道这一天会到来，但是免不了一股鼻酸想哭的感觉。
屋子很安静，不习惯。

Took a break today at night to watch 200 pounds beauty. again.

hahahaha. supposed to be mugging but i'm so sick of school-lab-fyp-assignments-CA life.

last watched it at melissa's house in JC. and somehow while listening to the tracks of the album i remembered the memories of the past. hahaha. when i had a social life.

the song 'star' that was on my mp3 playlist and accompanied me to school everyday. and then my mp3 got screwed and after JC i nv listen to it again. today listening to that song somehow made me feel so emo. =(

and it's back in my ipod.

although the lyrics are so depressing, but it's poetic and i still love it:

the wind is shaking the windows,and over my small room,
the stars fill up the sky, shining brightly too many to count,
the stars reassure tired me
they wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me

don’t be hurt too much..they hug me tight and pamper me
and comfort me,
telling me to go to sleep

though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

My dream is coming. though it is unusual that my one star is bright
it is very bright, even blinding..it comes down to my shoulder
stop being so sad..it holds my hand as it touches me
and gives me a warm hug

though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

Only for today, I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
Oh~ I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever
___________________________________________________

life can't turn back. there's only going forward.
i'm stuck in the middle of a black pitch path.
and i can't go back but i can't see the light at the end.

finally it's recess week!

But no break no break. =( ever since sem started, it's school-lab-home every single day. including sat & sun. no break, because i can't afford to waste any time!

academics have not been going too smoothly. think it's because i'm the stupidest in the honours cohort or something. haha. i just feel stupid sitting among all the smart people. and even during tests i feel as if no matter how well i do, it's never gona be good enough. i screwed up 1 test already. and i can't screw up the rest.

haiz.

sadded year 4 life...

i find it very tough to handle FYP with schoolwork at the same time.

both requires 100% from me, and i'm very lost as to which to give priority to. end up feeling very worried, stressed and depressed.

i don't want to do badly in anything. whether it's my core modules or my FYP. but somehow i can't feel optimistic about it because i know there is something wrong. i already tried my very best. staying in school after lessons, going back to school even without lessons. everyday i stay till 7.30pm and end up reaching home at 9pm. then the next day there is school again. i'm already sleeping less than 24hrs in a week of school.

stressed max. but there isn't any solution.

daddy brought mummy, marcus and me down to BBNP for spider catching. One is for me to catch spiders for my project, two for daddy to demonstrate his spider catching skills, three for marcus to see if there're tadpoles and also for him to see the nature, lastly for daddy to go back to his young kampong days where he gets fighting spiders!

a good 1.5 hours spent i must say. it was really fun! all objectives fulfilled! i got myself 2 spiders! =)) marcus spotted squirrels, dragonfly, monitor lizard, snails, AND A SNAKE WOO scary! spiders included of cuz.

went back home sweaty and sticky! took a bath and went back to school lab to store the spiders. i like being in the lab alone when there isn't anyone! hahaha. it's a good place to study. quiet and air-conditioned.

today i went down to zhenghua park to recce. so sad and disappointing! no spiders at all!! couldn't even spot one! >< ended up getting all the mosquito bites for nothing. RAHHHH.